It took a while for me to figure it out but I want you to know. I’m so fucking glad you dropped me. This isn’t me being arrogant and speaking of conceit. This is me being honest and I know when (if) you read this, you’re going to feel your heart drop to your stomach because everything I say about us is true. As for you? You couldn’t even be real with the girl youre with now about me. I want you to know you’re one sick and heartless person. Stringing me on like a little toy or a blanket that a child drags around. I can’t make you feel for me, I learned that so I’m not going to argue with “I can treat you better” because it still wouldn’t change your heart. You know what I will do though? I’ll tell you that you were one damn lucky person to have had me. What would you do? Agree. I’ll tell you that you never once appreciated anything I did for you. What would you do? Agree. I’ll tell you that everything I did for you was something I couldn’t do easily but I did it anyway and whatever you did for me was something you could do and do do for everyone, everyday. What would you do agree? You know in my world, she doesn’t exist. I have never met her and as far as I’m concerned you still haven’t told me about any relationship with her. So whatever. I want you to know though. You guys deserve each other 100%. Why? Any girl who can come in and disrespect my relationship and still pursue it, deserves the asshole who thought being cried for, because he was being lost, was annoying and decides to put his girl into competition. I’ll be honest though, I want what’s best for you and we told each other we’d be best friends no matter what but you really can’t just get up and move forward if you still have pieces to pick up. Which is why I havent dialed your number in 3 months. Idk why this popped into my head but it did and long story short? You don’t/didn’t deserve me.

I was constantly thinking and worrying and wondering if you would do the same about me. I used to sacrifice my time and effort just to make you happy and at the least, smile. I used to wake up in the morning with instinct just to call you and I used to spend my nights dreaming about the tomorrow with you. Now I look at you and what are you to me? A stranger. A part of me wants to hate you for putting me in a state of confusion and downfall, then another part keeps me from doing so because you used to be the biggest thing to make me smile. Key words though: used to be. That’s what you are.

I’ll be honest though. I miss what you used to be.

If I put it on paper, I could make a good little book of all the thoughtful/cute/good things I have done for you. Today I asked, “What’s one cute or better thing you have done for me? Just name one. It doesn’t matter if it happened last year or yesterday, just name one.” You couldn’t answer me for a good while, then what did you say? “I don’t know.”

My eyes turned instantly misty-eyed and I didn’t want to talk to you. How disappointing and honestly, embarrassing not just to yourself but to me. I just wanted one, one to be happy about. The saddest part of this short story is, I still miss you and like having you in my life.

Meeting, Chase, Honeymoon, Comfortable, Tolerance, Downhill, Breaking Up - The 7 stages in a relationship that brings you back to being “Strangers Again.” I kept my promise to be a good factor, friend, everything in your life and you’re going to ask, “What happened to us?” Don’t use that word about what we are… US. No, there is no “us.” You know what there is though? A boy and a girl. A girl who EVERY SINGLE DAY put effort to show you she was there no matter what. No FUCKING matter what. A girl who, no matter whether she was in her lowest of lows, she made time for you. When she was broke, her last penny on you. When she was tired, never failed to try to remind you to make that 11:11 wish. When occupied with other errands, still took 5-55 minutes to get you to class on time. Then the boy, who couldn’t even appreciate the fact that she tries to be friends everyday, but it doesn’t workout. She tries everyday to prove to you where you stand in position to everyone else where you just looked at her with the, “She’s always going to be there,” attitude. And at the end of the day, she who is I, never fails to say sorry. Because everyday that girl to that boy will feel sorry that she never quite “cut it.” Hi stranger, I want to say I miss you but I really don’t know who this person that has taken over your body is anymore. I miss that “stage one” man. (Taken with instagram)

100 days ago you walked into my life as a person who I didn’t want to talk to. Now you’re someone I can’t stand NOT talking to. We had our ups and way downs and to this day, we still aren’t smooth like a clean stream today but I’ll experience a trillion days with you and can still keep going. Thanks for being my rock, my lover, my enemy, my best friend, my everything. You will always have that special place in my heart with your name written with a sharpie pen. See you in 8 years(:

You’re completely different now and it hurts the fuck out of me. You will never understand that you’ve changed, things you say, things you do, everything’s changed. I don’t call you out on it and complain to you to be annoying, I do it because you need a reality check. I’ve never had you so heartless and careless and it’s disgusting. I miss you. This monster that I get now, idk who this is but it’s definitely not you. If stupid things that get in the way are gonna change you, then I don’t want a part of it. Talk to me when you show some damn remorse and self respect because right now, you’re selfish. You’re a selfish being now that needs to re-learn the definition of selfLESS. Who am I to say anything? My opinions don’t matter because I never did.

I want the old you back.

Bittersweet but I just need to keep telling myself that little effort is better than no effort at all. I missed you too.

I accidentally deleted the photoset. 
but I spent this afternoon watching Initial D with Love.
MMM my first car movie (: 

First time in a while since we drifted. It was a surprising but lovely feeling.